I normally don’t blog about personal matters, for fear of appearing too needy, but I will today.
The first four weeks of graduate school have been extraordinarily stressful, and scheduling two back-to-back weekend trips only exacerbated the difficulty. I am trying two master a half-dozen new skills, managing impostor syndrome, struggling to identify my research interests, and perpetually afraid of embarrassing myself in front of my professors.
I’ve always identified with my intellectual and academic ability. This is dangerous, of course, in an environment where everyone is smarter than you.
I am trying to disassociate from these qualities. I don’t want to be afraid of stupid comments, or blanking when I’m cold-called, or staying up late to finish a response paper. I want to accept the fact that I haven’t anything to lose, so I may as well just do my best.
It seems like a healthy strategy. I hope it works.